The many ways in which I ruined my children today

I am sick and although I've been in this job for almost three years I still haven't earned a single sick day. Man, my job can really suck.* So because of my inability to focus or breath through my nose I have spent today doing the best I can to get us all to the end of the day in one piece. A masterpiece of parenting it is not.

Without further delay, the ways in which I ruined my offspring today:

• The television was on from 8:30am to about 12pm. I can kid myself into thinking that it is ok because it was tuned to our local PBS station, and therefore educational. However, Madeline watched Barney for the first time EVER and when she becomes a sociopath in her mid to late teens I know I will look back on that 30 minutes as the turning point in her sweet little life.
• I let Madeline dress herself so she wore a long sleeve t-shirt and tights all day. I suggested she put on a skirt, but I was rebuffed and I didn't have the energy to get off the couch, not to mention demand she put on socially appropriate clothing. She didn't leave the house so I shouldn't worry right?
• I confined Lydia to her sling. Why do you ask? Well why would I want her to gain trunk control or roll over? That's insane. And independent play on the floor is over rated. Not to mention the fact that I wanted her as close to my germs as possible. Can't get much closer than the sling. >>please don't call DFS, I am using a heaping dose of sarcasm here. That being said she was in the sling a lot today, but that is mainly because if she wasn't attached to me she was screaming and my head could not handle the high decibels.<<
• I exposed them repeatedly to my crabby attitude, not to mention the germs. I tried to keep it in check but tantrums and hacking cough do not mix well.
• I startled Lydia with my coughing no less than 30 times today. The pure fear and panic on her face was so sad. I am sure that has caused some serious emotional trauma which will manifest itself at about age 13.
  

Not everything was the pits today:

• Madeline ate healthier than she has in days. So at least while she is socially stunted she'll be physically strong.
• Lydia took a 2 hour morning nap NOT attached to me. That's a record.
• Madeline wore her big kid "underwears" all day without an accident. Including nap time. That is a "sick day" miracle. Heck, that's an everyday miracle!
  
• We all ended the day in one piece.

Here's to tomorrow and hoping I feel better and the girlies don't get sick.

__________
* I love my "job." The perks far out weigh the pits. I wouldn't mind a sick/personal day every once in a while however...

mg

Tonight, I plucked my eye brows.

And I feel really good about it.

Anyone else have a rogue hair? I have a black wiry one that grows out of the very bottom of my chin. It has been there since I was about 13. For my 21st or 22nd birthday my mother gave me a years worth of laser hair removal treatments*. She figured it was her genes I was battling, so she owed it to me. Those treatments worked beautifully. Thankyouverymuch! With the exception of that ONE STUPID HAIR!!!

Every once in a while I scratch my chin and there it is. Inevitably I am in my car, standing in line at the grocery store or at a fancy wedding and can't end its life at that exact moment. But today I won the stupid hair on my chin jackpot!

I was AT HOME.

And SO WAS KEVIN.

And I could GET UP THAT EXACT MOMENT.

And it was AWESOME!

So awesome in fact that I got a little carried away.

I took a whole 15 minutes TO MYSELF and plucked my eye brows too. Did I mention that it was AWESOME! My laser hair removal didn't include my eyebrows. Which is a shame considering the wild eye brow genes I inherited from my father and his side of the family. (I'm thinking maybe HE owes me some laser treatments too... oh daddy......) I hadn't touched my eyebrows in at least three months. Which is exactly how old this little thing is...


So in 15 minutes I tweased my brow into submission. Now I have not one but TWO eyebrows. TWO!!!!!! And those wild woolly Franken-brow things I had going on at the inside top of my brows, GONE!!!

Did I mention I spent 15 whole minutes, BY MYSELF!!!!

Did I mention how AWESOME it was?!?!?!

At this point in my life it truly is the little things. (or in the case of my eye brows, the not so little things...)
__________
*Am I bordering on TMI, because I am being totally honest and exposing secrets that, up until now only a few of my girlfriends knew about? Hello entire Interweb! Don't. you. judge. me.

mg

Wishes

Having two children is harder than I expected it would be. That being said, I didn't really think about what it would be like. Instead I focused on the fact that we were parents already. We had already ushered one little person into this world, through infancy, past toddler-hood and into the preschool years with some success. I didn't focus on the fact that I would be doing that all over again, but this time with a 2 1/2 year old hanging on me (both figuratively and literally at times).

Thankfully Madeline finally seems to be adjusting to life as a big sister. Her negative attention getting behaviors seem to be on the decline and she is a total riot. She makes a laugh a million times a day.

The challenges we face now revolve mostly around Lydia's sleep schedule. I hate to complain. She sleeps, just not on the schedule I want. I know there are parents, some of my very close friends included, that would love to have a baby who sleeps for four hour stretches at night. I only wish she started her night about two hours earlier. A lucky complaint to have I guess.

Which leads me to the reason I started this post in the first place.

I find myself wishing for things that I know I will miss once they are gone. Tonight, as I was rocking Lydia to sleep, I thought to myself, 'I wish she would just go to bed.' I am tired. I am stressed from a long day week three months. Sleep is a rare commodity around here. I do just want to go to bed. But if Lydia could just put herself to bed do you know what that would mean?

That would mean I would miss her smell as I rocked her at night and kissed the crown of her head. I would miss the feeling of her body weight completely relaxed, warm against my chest. I would miss the sound of her breath and the coos she makes as she is falling asleep. I would miss these moments with her as a baby.

It is hard to see the positive when she is fighting sleep and crying at the top of her lungs. Tonight as I rocked her in my arms, it hit me. I can't wish these moments away. If I do, I will regret it when my children are all grown up and I no longer have a baby to rock to sleep.

I do know how lucky I am to have my daughters. So very, very lucky.



All that being said, I have spent the last two and a half hours trying to get Lydia to sleep. Just before I lay her down in her crib I take a deep breath. The worry that she would wake the moment I lay her down makes my heart race, almost like a panic. I hold my breath as I lay her down, slowly remove my hands, quietly walk out of her room and down the hall. It isn't until I cross the threshold of our bedroom down the hall that I exhale. Then I wait, listening for what's next. If I'm lucky, really lucky, I get to go to sleep myself. It is going to take a lot of will not to keep wishing these days away.

I will keep trying. I know they are worth my effort.

mg

De-Lurk

Today is National De-Lurking day. How do I know this? I just do. It might be real, it might not.

I have had a craptastic day (and no, I DON'T want to talk about it) and so I demand you leave me a comment. It might not fix my day, but it can't make it worse. :)

De-Lurk!!!!

mg

This post is NOT an Update

I had plans to update with my 38 week photo and all that jazz. Simply put, I'm distracted.

Distracted by what you ask?

• actually BEING 38 weeks pregnant
• having no less than 8 loads of laundry to do today, no joke
• parenting a two year old who still doesn't want to nap and says things like "I'm too tired to nap." How do you argue with that?
  
• Ken Burn's new documentary on the National Parks system
• crying over a two year old who won't nap
• crying over the fact that I can't nap if my daughter doesn't nap
  
• crying because in two weeks or so I am going to have TWO children who won't allow me to sleep
  
• crying,* just cuz
  
• cottage cheese
• heart burn
• the Real Simple Magazine my sister in law let me borrow
• wallowing in the mess that is my kitchen but putting off the dishes because I have done 8 friggin' loads of laundry today, by gone it!
• not having the baby's room even close to ready
• thinking about packing a bag to take to the hospital
• not packing a bag to take to the hospital
• worrying that I haven't packed a bag for the hospital
• still not packing a bag for the hospital

And finally...

• blogging

I am sure there are more.... many more... but know that I am still pregnant. At least for now.

**********
*Did you get that I cried today? It's ok... I am better now.

mg

By the time I get around to relaxing at night all of my clever has been used up

Why do I say this? I have pulled up a new post page three times since Monday and NONE of them resulted in a published post. Heck, I'm not even sure this one is going to make the cut!

So instead of drone on about how tired I am and how much I suck b/c I can't even post on my blog that like 3 people read I am going to give you some highlights of the week.

Ready?

• I took a nap every day this week. It was awesome. I didn't get to today and it is NOT awesome.
• I feel ginormous but everyone keeps telling me I look great. Somehow that doesn't make me feel less huge.
• I am teaching again and by the end of a 3 hour lecture my throat hurts and I'm cross eyed. I think maybe teaching at night while 8 months pregnant isn't the BEST idea in the world. You live, you learn.
• Madeline expressed interest in using the toilet this week. Baby steps right? I am still not taking her out of diapers. No way... No how. She has to have a proven track record of being dry before I risk my carpet and furniture. (and there is also the whole poop thing... which I won't blog about...YET.)
  
• I have eaten at least 96 oz. of cottage cheese in the last three weeks. I can't get enough of that stuff. It is like pure gold.
• Kevin has worked more nights in the last two weeks then he did in the last two years. We miss him, but we do get to see him more during the day so that is a good thing.
• I think Facebook was created by evil people to make me waste time caring about the status of people I haven't spoken to, face-to-face, in many many years. It's like social networking crack. I just have to check one more time before bed, just in case that kid I took biology with in the 12th grade updated his status for the 40th time today.
• Madeline has been napping well and sleeping for 12+ hours a night. I know that by blogging this, it means I have jinxed it and she will stop sleeping altogether.
• I hate heartburn.
• We had two awesome play dates this week. (Thank you Anna/Madeline and Becca/Rachel/Leo!) I was totally exhausted by both of them. Madeline could have played for many more hours.
  
• I am so tired my eyes keep closing.
  
• Last night I had a dream that I had the baby and then left it in the car when I went into Babies r Us to get a bath tub and when I got back to the car a gang of little old ladies were yelling at me and hitting me with their purses. So I cried. Think maybe I'm not psychologically ready to have two kids? Nope, I didn't think so...

Ok, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. I sure did. I have more posts in the works, in both draft and just in my head format. Once the weekend is over I will get around to it... maybe. Until then, enjoy the rest of your weekend!

mg

And so it begins

It is 4:25am.

I have been awake for the better part of the last hour.

I feel like my chest is on fire because of acid reflux.

No matter what position I am in I am uncomfortable in bed.

There is absolutely NOTHING on network television at 4:25am.

I guess this is the begining of three months of tossing and turning. (If my previous pregnancy was any indication.)

mg

Operation Big Girl Bed

I am a worrier. I can worry about just about anything. I am also a pessimist. The combination of those two things are generally a very bad thing.

For example: I need a hair cut. For most people they would just call their salon, and set up the appointment. I, on the other hand, have been having the following internal conversation with myself.... for months.

Rational (not so crazy) Me: Maureen, you need a hair cut.
Worrier Me: Do you think other people think I need a hair cut?
Pessimist Me: No one has even noticed.
Rational Me: Ok now you two, the fact still remains that I need a hair cut.
Worrier Me: I agree that a hair cut would be nice, but do you have the time to get your hair cut?
Pessimist Me: Of course not. You never have enough time to do ANYTHING let alone get a hair cut.
Worrier Me: And can you afford to get a hair cut? You haven't taught a class in almost two months.
Pessimist Me: Even if you did get a hair cut there is a chance you might not like it and that is a waste.
Worrier Me: They are all going to laugh at me.
Rational Me: SHUT UP!

You think I'm crazy yet? I do.

But this post isn't suppose to be about me. It is about Madeline growing up and me thinking the apocalypse is coming.

Last week we said good bye to the crib and put Madeline into her very own big girl bed.


This crib was Kevin's as a baby and I slept in one almost identical to it as a baby. This crib has been good to us. Madeline started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks in this crib. She has only tried to climb out of it once and she is really very content. Worrier Me says, why mess with a good thing.

But now that #2 is on its way the choice was made to put the baby bed away. So last Wednesday, after one last night of sleep in her crib Madeline was sent to play at Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house and the big girl bed fairies went to work.


What did I expect? I expected to be chasing Madeline back to bed all night long. I expected to be up all night with a sad baby girl who just wanted her crib. I expected to be exhausted on Thursday because it had taken her half the night to fall asleep.


Instead Madeline slept through the night. Then took a 2 hour nap on Thursday, slept through the night again and took a 3 hour nap on Friday. Not a single problem. She even calls for us to get her out of bed still. That's right. She could get out of bed on her own and pull every book off her bookshelf and spread wet wipes to all four corners of her bedroom. Instead she calls to us to come get her out of bed.

Never before have Worried Me and Pessimist Me been more wrong.

mg

Clarification

Did I mention I was crabby yesterday?

That may explain my glass half empty tone when describing Madeline's state as an almost two year old. My mother so nicely pointed out that I do have a very sweet and loving little two year old too. My comments in the previous post were not meant to be focused on the negative... but see the first line of this post and you will get why it was written that way.

This is the girl I normally have.

Happy, happy, happy! In this photo she is Happy and she knows it so she's clapping her hands... get it?

I am planning a larger post for her second birthday, but I thought I would give you some of the more positive attributes of Madeline today to make up for my unintentional negativity yesterday.

• Madeline's favorite book right now is a book my Anita Jeram titled Bunny My Honey. Recently when we get to the end of the book she says, "Momma, me love you too". It melts my heart.
• Madeline is constantly demanding that everybody clap. She will sing a song or play the piano and then say, "Everybody clap" and will call out anyone who isn't obeying. (ie. Momma, clap!) Two nights ago at dinner she did something that she thought was particularly funny (and I can't even remember what that was...) and she said in the same matter of fact way... "Everybody laugh!" Kevin and I cracked up.
• If she wants to go upstairs, or to the car, or outside or just about anywhere she will call to the adult around and say, "Come on, come on!" As if to say, let's get going! She has even added "quickly, quickly!" a couple of times. It is ridiculously cute.
• When she plays the piano at my parents house she kicks her feet as fast as she can while she plays. Then she belts out "THAT'S ELMO'S WORLD!" followed by, "everybody clap!"

I think that is enough for now... but I know she is an adorable 2 year old... so I will try again to be more glass 1/2 full...

Is that better Mom?

mg

Mother's advice

My mother suggested that when I am having a bad day, and doubting my role as a mother/wife/housekeeper/human being, I should just look at the photo in the post below and know that my daughter is a happy and peaceful soul. I'd like to think that I have something to do with her calmness and comfort, but I know reality.

Talk a good look at that photo. What is really comforting her in the photo is the glow of the TV. She is laying before it as a shrine to everything Sesame and is relaxed because it says it is to be so. Elmo sings his song and everything is right in her world.

I can't blame her. On Wednesday nights I long for my daughter to be in bed and my work to be done so that I can sit in front of the TV's cool glow and relax with a little food (Top Chef) and some Real Housewives.

I don't want you to get the idea that the TV is on 24/7. It just isn't. (I am not working full time and we have utility costs to take into account.) Madeline only ever watches Sesame Street, mainly b/c everything else sounds like nails on a chalk board to me. (Yo Gabba Gabba for example, what drug are they smokin'? The creators hit one to many raves if you ask me...)

So I don't disagree with my mother. I do have a happy and laid back daughter and a happy family to boot. For that I am thankful. Truly I am. I think mom was just trying to give me perspective. Something I know I am gaining as a mother and I am thankful that she is trying to help me recognize. Although a little Sesame Street never hurt either.

mg

Why, I would LOVE some cheese wtih my whine

I've been avoiding the blog lately. It isn't that I don't love you, I do. It is that I don't think anyone really wants to hear what I have to say. Until now...

#1- (be warned there is vomit ahead) The puke fairy visited again. This time is was me and not the Madelou. (at least not yet...) On Monday I thought I was coming down with a cold. By 5pm I was feeling so sick I was crying. Two hours later I was officially sick and felt better almost immediately. That is until the next morning when that cold I thought I was getting decided to kick in.

#2- I love the warmer weather, but it is hard to enjoy it when you don't want to be too far away from home and your head feels like it is going to explode. Yep, I can even complain about things that I was wishing for just days ago. I am that person. Who wants to read about that? Not me?

#3-We still haven't heard anything about the house. That's not really true... we heard today that we are in the same place we were last week, waiting. Waiting for the bank with no recourse to push for action. We are still vulnerable to a higher bid coming onto the table. We are stuck in limbo. We are between getting our house ready to be placed on the market (which is a whole hell of a lot of work) and not doing anything. We don't want to leave everything for a one week scramble if we do get the house, but what if we repaint the kitchen, do all the touch ups, replace the gutters, clean the hell out of this place and pack up 1/2 of our belongings just to find out we don't get the house?

#4- closely related to #3 is WHAT IF WE GET THIS HOUSE?!?!?! Now I know that might sound crazy, because we want this house soooooo badly, but honestly this is a huge leap for us. We will make it work and it is a huge opportunity for our family. But holy crap. I guess that is the worry for all new (larger) home buyers right? Please tell me it is. Please?

#5- did I mention I was sick?

#6- I am feeling overwhelmed with work, but not really motivated to do anything about that. That is the worst situation because I am totally to blame.

#7- did I mention this house thing was stressing me out?

Ok, I think that is it. Sorry for the whine fest. I am feeling a little better. Although Norman Gentle just made it through to the top 36 on American Idol so I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach.

mg

One thing

With all of the uncertainty in my life right now (more on that in a later post) I am sure of one thing:

Today has been a huge day in the history of my country. I am hopeful for our future and hopeful that change is on the way. I think hope is what we all need right now, more than anything. With hope, people can see the difference their actions make. People see how they can help others. People see how their lives can be made better.

My only regret for the day, that I didn't shed a tear until Beyonce sang "At Last." I mean really... Beyonce? It was a beautiful moment, and I hope in four years we can all look back on this day and say it was as wonderful as we hoped it would be in that moment.

I also hope that my public speaking students are watching Obama's speeches. We could all learn a thing or two.

2008

So I feel compelled to do a year in review post. I am jumping on the bandwagon and bending to the peer pressure.

January found us at home. All month. Inside. Cold. I think that about sums it up.

In Febuary we were still inside. We did recruit some friends to come keep us company. Maddy had Frog. Mommy had Netfix.

March gave us some of the most beautiful snow in years. Madeline spent hours looking out the door at the white stuff.

April is when we discovered swings. Little did we know this one day at the park would lead to hours of swinging over the next four months!

May brought Madeline her first revolution around the sun. We celebrated with cake and a blood draw.

Madeline spent most of June upside down or in the pool.

July was full of late nights hanging with our very missed friends visiting from Hawaii. We also spent a lot of time with our new friends too.

August was the month of peaches and glorious days outdoors. We miss August. We miss peaches. We miss days outdoors.

In September I ruined the television show, Extreme Make Over Home Edition, for many of my readers. We FINALLY watched the show today. It was a tear jerker, but I am much more of a cynic now that I have seen the process.

In October we got a new lawn decoration. It didn't want to stand still.

November was full of cozy days at home and Indian summer days at the park.

And finally, December. December gave us one of the best Christmas' in my memory. Seeing the magic of the holiday for Madeline is amazing.

Looking back, not a lot happened to us this year. Except that Madeline grew, a lot. Can you believe how much she has changed!?!?!?! 2008, you have been a very calm and peaceful year. Thank you.

Now on to 2009.

mg

Merry Christmas

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas!

Half of the felt "Merry Christmas" banner that hangs in our dining room.

Life has been crazy with holiday festivities, poop and lots of wardrobe changes. (Did I mention all the poop?) I should be back in a few days with some photos of Christmas, which far exceed my expectations by the way! (despite all the poop.) It was an awesome two days and my heart is brimming with love for my husband, daughter, family, and life. To think I was one of those bah-humbuggers not that long ago!

mg

I have been in a funk. This happens at this time every year. The sun sets too early in the evening. The beautiful colors fall from the trees and turn a cruddy color of brown. The weather turns cold and I have to pack on the clothes and although I love my hoodie and sweats, I could do with out my coat. I feel stuck.

I'm stuck without sunshine. I'm stuck without color. I'm stuck in my darn coat.

I am fighting this funk really hard. In the past I have just succumbed to it but that does me no good. (just ask Kevin, I am no fun when that happens) I am trying to see the positive, be glass 1/2 full and soak up the sun when I can. So instead of focusing on what is wrong, I am going to focus on what is making me happy right now.

• Madeline Opal. I mean she might be a crazy toddler, but when she walks up and gives you a kiss for no reason, I can't stop my hear from melting.
  
• Kevin. I enjoy my time with him more than he knows.
  
• Crafting has always been a way for me to get my mind relaxed and although I don't have much time I have found time over the past few days. I'll share photos some time soon.
• Tea. I have a hot cup next to me now. Ahhh.
• The semester count down. I only have three more days of classes for my regular semester classes. I have some really interesting students this semester. I wish I could share my stories with you all. Although I have one that I don't think anyone would believe. Maybe someday I can share... until then.
• And this is making me feel better too.

mg

I suck.

I have been a lazy blogger. I don't even have a good reason. I need another week to catch up on my life and then maybe I can get back to my bloggy business. Until then, know I love you.

And here is a fairly good photo of a ridiculously cute little girl.

mg

I'm back

But it doesn't look like anyone missed me anyway.*

The above statement is very representative of the mood I am in today. I am embracing my glass 1/2 emptiness today because I know tomorrow I have to go back to working on my 1/2 full mentality. Today I am wallowing in it. Soaking myself in a bath 1/2 full. Drinking until my thirst is 1/2 quenched. Eating until I am 1/2 full and whining until you are 1/2 sick of me.

Only a few more hours until tomorrow. I have to go wallow some more.



*Wow, that was a loaded statement wasn't it?!?! Do you feel guilty for not commenting yet???

mg

Did you know?

Did you know that Madeline has a cold and I am not getting any work done?

Did you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics has removed all cold remedies from the acceptable list for children under three?

Did you know that I can't give her anything but Tylenol to help her sleep?

Did you know that she already doesn't want to nap during the day and this cold is not making my job any easier?

Did you know that as I listen to Madeline cry in her bed (while she should be napping) it is making my heart break a little bit?

Did you know that I am trying not to go in there when she cries b/c I don't want her to think crying is the way to get out of bed?

Did you know that this Mommy stuff would mess with your head so much?

Did you know that I just want an hour to get some school work done so that I have a lesson plan for tonight? (I guess my students will just have to stare at me for four hours... yep, FOUR!)

(So Mom? When are you coming home?)

Argh.

mg

So,

I got pooped on tonight. But how can you have a bad Birthday when you are hanging out with this sweet face?

October 16

mg

Super-size me

Madeline and I ran some errands on Friday (Oct. 3). Normally I pack a little snack and her cup just in case. 99% of the time she isn't hungry and could care less about her water. But not on Friday. Friday she was totally parched. Her mouth was a virtual desert with no moisture in sight. She was so hungry she was in pain. (or at least you would think so based on her whines.)

I had forgotten her cup.

Her insistence that she was going to collapse with thirst unless she got water immediately was so bad that I thought about just buying her a new cup at Target, but that would mean an extra stop. So after almost 40 minutes of her asking for her "ah-ta" or water, I caved.

No, that is not a soda or a lemonade or any other one of the high fructose corn syrup laced drinks from the above fast food giant. It was before nap time, do you think I am totally crazy? There is nothing but water and ice in that cup. I felt really silly ordering a cup of ice and a bottle of water. But I really didn't want a Coney, or tater puffys, or deep fried anything. So why this resturant? Well, as crazy as this is going to sound... I love their ice.

I am a little obsessed with ice in my water. I can drink 64 oz. of water a day no problem as long as it is freezing cold with a ton of ice. (I dream of an automatic ice maker some day!) So what makes this particular establishment's ice so good? It is tiny. So there are like a million and a half little pea sized nuggets of frozen goodness in each cup. And because there are so many the water is freezing AND the ice doesn't melt very quickly. It just floats around and is wonderful hours later. It is ice water heaven. I am telling you, it is the little things in life.

This is the image that I got though. Isn't it hilarious. That cup is as big as her head! We sat in the parking lot, with that cup on her lap, just slurping away. I had a few mommies in their fancy mini-vans give me the look. You know, the "oh my goodness, she letting her baby drink that huge Coke?!?!?" look. I finally had to cut her off so we could drive home to avoid stares and the entire ride home, "ah-ta, ah-ta, ah-ta." So at home she drank to her hearts content.

That is until she desperately needed a new dipe.

mg