Happy 4th of July.
Today was kinda crappy but for totally boring reasons except for one.
Tonight I proved myself to be completely emotionally unstable.
Let me back up. The 4th is generally my favorite holiday. This year it just hasn't felt right. I thought it might be because it was on a Sunday so the festivities were unnaturally spread over the course of three days. This is one case where three days is not better than one. Tonight I proved that there was way more to it than that.
After finishing dinner I sat at the table with Kevin and Kathy (my SIL) conversing. Kathy, very innocently asked if our friends Scott and Becky were in town for the holiday and I BURST into tears immediately and without warning. Not just little tears, like a full out sob. Immediately. So it turns out I really do have emotional problems.
Kevin had to answer her because I couldn't. As it turns out I miss them more than I was letting myself feel and although I couldn't put my finger on why I was so unbalanced this 4th of July at that moment I knew that it didn't feel right because they weren't there. I was missing them in a way that I totally hadn't expected.
Where were they? Well Scott is a member of the US Army and is currently deployed to Iraq. Becky, is living in Hawaii where he is stationed until the end of this year sometime. This is the first 4th of July in at least 6 years that we have spent without them.
To top it off we went to see fireworks tonight and stopped by 'our usual spot' to say hello to Scott's mother and upon telling her this story I began crying all over again.
It's official. I need serious psychiatric intervention.