Monday, July 05, 2010

Tonight, I proved myself to be completely emotionally unstable

Happy 4th of July.

Today was kinda crappy but for totally boring reasons except for one.

Tonight I proved myself to be completely emotionally unstable.

Let me back up. The 4th is generally my favorite holiday. This year it just hasn't felt right. I thought it might be because it was on a Sunday so the festivities were unnaturally spread over the course of three days. This is one case where three days is not better than one. Tonight I proved that there was way more to it than that.

After finishing dinner I sat at the table with Kevin and Kathy (my SIL) conversing. Kathy, very innocently asked if our friends Scott and Becky were in town for the holiday and I BURST into tears immediately and without warning. Not just little tears, like a full out sob. Immediately. So it turns out I really do have emotional problems.

Kevin had to answer her because I couldn't. As it turns out I miss them more than I was letting myself feel and although I couldn't put my finger on why I was so unbalanced this 4th of July at that moment I knew that it didn't feel right because they weren't there. I was missing them in a way that I totally hadn't expected.

Where were they? Well Scott is a member of the US Army and is currently deployed to Iraq. Becky, is living in Hawaii where he is stationed until the end of this year sometime. This is the first 4th of July in at least 6 years that we have spent without them.

It sucked.

To top it off we went to see fireworks tonight and stopped by 'our usual spot' to say hello to Scott's mother and upon telling her this story I began crying all over again.

It's official. I need serious psychiatric intervention.




RPS said...


I feel your pain!! My 4th was spent in a hot tent waiting for the sun to go down so it would be cool, try sleeping when it is 95 in a tent not fun, nor do I wish that on anyone. We had no fireworks and well I did not even know it was the 4th until someone said something, that's kind of sad, you know. The good news is that I should be back in Hawaii in about a week and then back in St. Louis over Thanksgiving, the first in many years. I miss everyone that is important to me, and yes you guys are included in that. I just remember the lake trips and the fun we have when everyone is together. We will have to make up for the past 4th of July's we have missed all in one, who knows maybe in Nov. we can.

RPS said...

I'm with Scott -- maybe we can re-enact the whole thing! I'm sorry we made it a bit more rough -- we'd sooo rather be with you. And, next summer we should be closer, at least not seperated by an ocean! You'll totally have to come visit...with or without the girls ;-) And, if this makes you emotionally unstable, well I might as well join you. When Scott decides to return from playing in the sand (ha ha) we'll have to give you a call (or do you have skype?) and we can all chat it up...but, I think we're for sure on for Thanksgiving so we'll have to make some plans!

mGk said...

It isn't just on the 4th that I miss you guys. To be honest, I miss you all the time. I can't wait to see you and I agree, a celebration is in order!

Molly said...

You don't need psychiatric intervention sweetie... Just a nice big hug. :) (((((((Mo)))))))