and again, I can't stop.
That's right, my brain just won't stop thinking. When I was a kid the night before school would start I would get myself all worried and stressed out and I wouldn't be able to sleep. By the time I hit high school I had mellowed out some and didn't have the same first day jitters. Then in college it started again, but only for the first year at Truman and then the first year at the 'bonne. I really feel like I am 9 years old and starting 4th grade tomorrow. (is that how old you are in 4th grade? I have no idea, and my brain is too full to do simple math.)
So my syllabi are finished and printed. My assignements are ready to be given. My lesson plan is ready for delivery. My outfit is chosen and my sack lunch is packed (thanks to my wonderful and lovely husband!) So what is left?
I am obsessing about school because I think the real problem is Madeline. Not that she is a problem, but I am leaving her ALL day tomorrow with a non-family member. For the first time. Ever.
I totally trust Angie, the sitter and Madeline and I have visited with her three times in the last few weeks. Madeline loves it at her house. There is a basement full of new and exciting toys, kids to play with and shelves full of books. Theres is even a real live baby to stare at. She pets him like a cat and calls him 'Ah-la' her word for Olive, our cat. It's so darn cute.
And I think that is my problem. She is going to be cute all day long, and I am going to miss it. I made the choice to stay at home because I couldn't imagine missing these days with her. But it's all about the Benjamins and I have to do something to bring in some extra funds. So I am teaching three classes at the 'bonne this semester. I really do enjoy teaching. It is a lot of work but I love the student interactions and I like preparing lesson plans and grading and what not. I am just going to miss my Madeline.
Ok I feel better. Just getting it out feels better. I am a rational person and I know that she will be fine. She probably won't even know that I am gone until I come back. Just my luck right?
Ok, off to watch the gold medal match for Olympic sand volleyball. GO USA!
And while you are surfing the blogsphere: Go meet my brother. He's new school. And wicked cool.
mg
6 comments:
I'll be thinking of you today, Maureen! It's so hard. I know that back to school feeling in the stomach. You'll be an awesome teacher AND and awesome mommy.
I'll be praying for your piece of mind. She'll be fine and so will you.
And yes you are 9 when you enter the 4th grade. That's what grade my youngest just entered.
Good luck! The first day of school is always exciting and nerve racking! And she'll definitely be excited to see you tonight!
Ahh... my sweet baby girl. As the mother of one who fretted over the beginning of each new school year, I REALLY feel your pain. As Maddy-lou's granny, I also struggle with the fact that she's cute all day long and I miss it (I just never knew how to put that in words, so thank you for doing that for me). Mothering (and apparently grandmothering) is a long series of letting go and learning to cherish the time you have. Know this: You will always be her mom. Even when you're not there, you're The One.
How do I know this?
I answered a call from you today and looked up the weather radar for you.
I'm glad I was here for you. :)
I am sitting the the computer lab at school with tears in my eyes. Thanks for your comment Mom, (and phone call) it made my day. ~mg
Wait... you like doing lesson plans... and grading... and all that stuff? wanna do mine?
You'll be fine. I bet Maddy was glad to see you when you picked her up today. Inside her cute little curly baby head she was saying "Wait.. was that really a whole day?"
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